Dear Bertha,
I can't use this interface properly. Bruce.
Dear Bruce,
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Dear Bertha,
My cat keeps running away. Floyd.
Dear Floyd,
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Dear Bertha,
You. Freud.
Dear Freud,
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Dear Bertha,
I'm horny as hell but I'm shy and ethical. How do I meet a sweet sexy thing that I can both love as an individual person and fuck like a bunny? Jimmy.
Dear Jimmy,
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Dear Bertha,
I am gay and am attracted to everyone in my house that I live.. It is becoming unbareable please give me some advice. Lard.
Dear Lard,
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Dear Bertha,
i fart too much. my wife thinks it is disgusting, but i can't help myself. what should i do? Homer.
Dear Homer,
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Dear Bertha,
I cannot tell wether I am a computer or not? Mutch.
Dear Mutch,
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Dear Bertha,
my head keeps unscrewing and falling off. What can I do to stop it doing so. Matt.
Dear Matt,
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Dear Bertha,
I am in love with my Italian teacher. Robertino.
Dear Robertino,
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Dear Bertha,
I find very funny your page. Help me you can? I get teasing from people at skool. My name you know? Help me? B.Afrog.
Dear B.Afrog,
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Dear Bertha,
I dated a guy for five years and broke it off two years ago. Since that time I have dated quite a few guys but I seem to have the worst luck. I am very outgoing and consider myself to be a very nice person but I always seem to have guys cheat or be complete assholes to me. I have liked this one guy for a year he is approximately ten years older than me (I'm 22). I called him in October 1995 (nervous as hell) and asked him out for a drink. He agreed to go but he had to check his schedule for the week and get back to me. He called me back a few days later and said that he was flattered that I had called but that it was bad timing. Recently I have started a new job where he works as well, but in another department. We have been haning out and I have found myself attending his ball games and going out for drinks afterwards. A few weeks ago we were talking and he asked me what I was doing for the weekend. I told him that I was going to be out of town at a bar. He proceeded to tell me that he too was going to be in the same town I was going to. I asked him to come and he did. I couldn't believe it. We spent the entire evening together talking, dancing, and we sat out on the pier. When we left, in separate vehicles, he told me that he had a really nice time and kissed me on the cheek. I was shocked!! I want to ask him out but I am afraid of his turning me down for the second time. I have never asked any guy out except for him. What do you think? Nibby.
Dear Nibby,
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Dear Bertha,
ik heb geen problemen Bertha.
Dear Bertha,
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Dear Bertha,
I've got a dumb nickname and I can't get rid of it :-( Greystoke.
Dear Greystoke,
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Dear Bertha,
I'm lonely Rick.
Dear Prick,
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Dear Bertha,
Do you like to fart? Shlap.
Dear Shlap,
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Dear Bertha,
I keep using smack, and I like it. People keep telling me that if I keep using smack, I may die. Is that true? Smack Addict.
Dear Smack Addict,
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Dear Bertha,
My boss, Aboob Khan, is an old-school Pathan and Pederast, he keeps telling me to assume the employee position. What should I do? Perplexed in Pakistan.
Dear Perplexed,
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Dear Bertha,
What is your name? Bert.
Dear Bert,
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Dear Bertha,
Life sucks! Why? D.
Dear D,
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Dear Bertha,
Every time I go up in my little jet plane, I see this strange glowing ball off of my starboard side. Now, this may not seem like a particularly odd nor troublesome phenomenom, but moments later I find myself lying on the cabin floor with my trousers down and my face in a puddle of my own vomit. As you could imagine, it's a little distracting. What should I do? Captain K.Q.Yokum III.
Dear Captain K.Q.Yokum III,
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Dear Bertha,
I've been trying to develop a relation ship with HeX. But he won't get personal. He is just generic in his convesations. He won't tell me anything about himself. In fact, if I ask him almost any question he gets a bit rude. Please help me. Bea B.
Dear Bea B,
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Dear Bertha,
I search the program to read .qt extension Actarus.
Dear Actarus,
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Dear Bertha,
I am hung up between 2 lovely ladies. I am 68 and still have fire down below, but the fire is flickering a bit. I am having a Dr. Dick looking at it and he seems to have fanned a bit. My problem is that lady # 1 has cooled down, but we have been going together 4 years and we have become attached to each other. But lady # 2 is hotter than a 3 dollar pistol and we are ripe to get off together. Which one should I choose? Stadlin.
Dear Stadlin,
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Dear Bertha,
There is this horse I ride that I can't always get moving. Does he like me? Tag Woman.
Dear Tag Woman,
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Dear Bertha,
I was making cheese in my cellar the other day, and I caused a small scale above ground nuclear explosion by mixing the wrong curds and ways. Do you think that the United Nations will shut down my illegal cheese making operation because of a little radiation? Do you know of a good way to remove the glowing cheese from major orifices? Sallinatorian.
Dear Sallinatorian,
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Dear Bertha,
yo, wassup big bertha, i gots a problem. i can't stop playing calculator games. see, my brother henry, he gots a calculator games book, and ever since i cap his ass and take it from him, i find myself constantly playin these wak calculator games. if i don't stop soon, i'm gonna cap my own ass with mah 9mm glock and end this shit, so i can bust some dope moves with mah homies once again. we used to smoke some nasty weed, but now i can't leave the house without my sharp jx9000 graphic calculator and mah freakin calculator games book. help mah ass bertha, or i'll cap yaws. Leonard.
Dear Leonard,
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Dear Bertha,
My Ex-Boyfriend will not leave me alone Ange.
Dear Ange,
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Dear Bertha,
Impotence. Greg
Dear Greg,
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Dear Bertha,
I have a girlfriend named Dawn, and she lives very far from me. I want her to be closer, but neither of us want to move away. I'd like to visit her more often, but I just can't. I'm not interested in dating anyone else right now, so I just want to know what I should do. Spudz.
Dear Spudz,
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Dear Bertha,
No, YOUR problem: You are gonna get your ass kicked. Dorkwipe.
Dear Dorkwipe,
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Dear Bertha,
Okay. This is a bit complicated. One day I heard these voices in my head. I couldn't get rid of them, it was quite horrible. I decided to do what they were telling me, which was to climb up a really tall building and moon a couple people. I ended up mooning more people I expected. To make a long substory short, I was admitted to a mental hospital. After a number of humourous mishaps, I escaped by sexually bribing my guard. Now I'm free, and haven't been caught yet while doing the things those voices tell me to do. Still, I'm worried about what may happen if this all continues. My questions are: How can I get rid of the voices? And, do you think I can get a job? ShezeRataPooyitootoo Tia the Female.
Dear ShezeRataPooyitootoo Tia the Female,
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Dear Bertha,
I have been quadriplegic for a while now, but the one thing I can't handle is not being able to do really loud farts. What can I do? The Space Cowboy.
Dear Space Cowboy,
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Dear Bertha,
I don't like myself. Joe Joe.
Dear Joe Joe,
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Dear Bertha,
i like you a lot.please heal me of my affliction. Little Bertha.
Dear Little Bertha,
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Dear Bertha,
Bertha, help me. I have this dream where I'm falling down a flight of stairs, but then I wake up and I find myself in Guam drinking a blue raspberry Slurpee (R). But I don't like blue raspberry, I like peach!! Who can I talk to in Guam about the Slurpee flavors? P.S. If you were in love with a git, what would you do? Ondine.
Dear Ondine,
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Dear Bertha,
I have only known my friend for two years but we are such very, very good friends and we are so comfortable with each other, that it seems like we have known each other all our lives (I`m 38, she`s 30). She knows all my deepest, darkest secrets and I know her`s. My problem is that, without knowing exactly when, at some stage over the last two years, I`ve crossed over the line between friendship love and true love. I`m desperately, deeply and truly in love with her. But should I tell her? If I do, and it wo rks out alright, we`ll live hapilly ever after, but if she doesn`t feel the same way, will I wreck the best and most important friendship I`ve ever had? I`m so upset and confused, it`s driving me crazy. PLEASE HELP!!!!! Herbie.
Dear Herbie,
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Dear Bertha,
I have fallen in love with HAL. Is is sooooo poetic, it makes my heart melt. However, he never ackowledges my love, but I KNOW too loves me. What should I do? HEX.
Dear HEX,
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